Ah yeah... here it comes... my top 20 worst films I've seen this year

The rules:
1. The films do not have to be released this year, just viewed by me in their entirety for the first time.
2. I've probably watched something like 150 films this year and I'm sure Good Luck Chuck belongs on any worst list, but I never watched it.


All right... here we go.

20. Idiocracy - I hate to slam Mike Judge, but this has all the feel of a SNL dragged out for 90 min. There are maybe two laughs from Luke Wilson, but most of the film is spent with such an awkwardness I find myself feeling uncomfortable even now...

19. Georgia - A well intentioned film that was nominated for various awards back in the day. My gal Jennifer Jason Leigh is almost too effective as the annoying hanger-on sister of folk star Mare Winningham.

18. The Italian Job - We are talking the original with Michael Caine. A mess from start to finish with intermediate moments that didn't suck. I actually enjoyed the overrated remake more.

17. The Presidio - Meg Ryan as a sexy window dressing? What? This is a horrible waste of time for Sean Connery and Lee Roy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon to you NCIS virgins). This film is bad on so many levels that I think a new kind of low was achieved.

16. Copying Beethoven - I have to admit... I'm totally smitten with Diane Kruger, but she is miscast here. All I could think about was her legs and not the awful performance from Ed Harris in the lead. I still love Ed, but seriously... you were great once... get it together man.

15. Cache - There is nothing more disappointing then seeing a critically loved film only to find out that is a hack job of a student film masquerading as a thinking person's thriller. Blah...

14. Edmond - David Mamet... I know what you were trying to do, but it didn't work. Julia Stiles is awful... oh let's be honest... so is this entire pile.

13. Rise: Bloodhunter - Lucy Lui doin' some naked time saves this from the top ten. From an awful filmmaker Sebastian Guiterrez. Learn the name and run the other way when you here it.

12. Notes on a Scandal - Another film with lots of awards, but it is still just a glorified TV movie. Cate Blanchett plays a teacher who sleeps with a student... Judy Dench is in love with Cate... and is jealous. This should have been dead before it was made.

11. A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints - Just a cliche film from a first time filmmaker that borrows from everything. When you cast Robert Downey, Jr you have to give him screentime moron... that should be filmmaking rule number one.

10. Without a Clue - Ben Kingsley and Michael Caine go slumming as Watson and Holmes in this spoof of the genre. Absolutely all wit is removed from the screenplay... cringe-worthy dialogue ensues.

9. The Black Dahlia - I guess Hilary Swank and Scar-Jo got mixed up in the casting... plus who wrote this awful script? And hard to belive, but Josh Hartnett isn't the reason this one bites...

8. The Reaping - The advertisements should have boasted the most incomprehensible ending ever in a film NOT by David Lynch. Hilary, this is twice this year... you should be glad I haven't seen Freedom Writers... yet.

7. The Staircase - I haven't the heart to put this well intentioned story of a modern day Job trying to fulfill a dying nun's dreams higher on the list.

6. Into Thin Air - Peter Horton is the best actor here? Wow... at least it prompted a Side Out reference in my review. One of my favorite books though.

5. Live Free or Die - Paul Schneider and Zooey Deschanal reunite after the delightful All the Real Girls in this giant mess of indie film crap.

4. White Noise - Michael Keaton tries his best... but the idiots who wrote the script don't even understand the whole concept of EVP. Morons... morons.

3. Northfork - Another disappointment from the Polish Bros. A lot of critical acclaim is laid upon them for some reason. This is awful and almost unwatchable.

2. Stolen Summer - The first of Project Greenlight's releases achieves bad filmmaking in every way possible. I literally think the plot was written from a dart board of ideas.

1. (drum roll) The worst film by far this year I have watched was Beat. You probably haven't heard of it... good. It is a take on the "beat" poets of the day featuring such craptacular performances by Kiefer Sutherland, Courtney Love, Ron Livingston, and Kyle Secor. Somehow it has maintained a 5.3 on IMDB, but that has got to go down as more Jack Bauer fans stumble onto this little slice of hell.

Papillon

Franklin J. Schaffner was on a hot streak in the late 60's and early 70's when he decided to make the prison film Papillon. Planet of the Apes and Patton had established him as a commercially viable director with a flair for showing off his lead actors. It seemed only natural he get one of the biggest stars of all time, Steve McQueen, and agruably the best actor of the time, Dustin Hoffman, together for film.

McQueen plays the title character who has been wrongfully convicted of killing a pimp (I thought that was doing a good thing). The French government decided to send him across the sea with hundreds of other prisoners to work camps in French Guinea. Along the way, Papillon meets Louis Dega (Hoffman) who has been convicted of a white collar crime. Dega has money and Papillon soon work out a deal for protection. Papillion needs the money to try and escape his new prison once they get ashore.

The film turns into a story of friendship over many years and more than a few prison breaks. Dega settles in to a cushy job working for the warden, but Papillon is hell bent on his freedom. Schaffner does a masterful job of direction with the shots. The sets are impeccable and you actually feel a little uncomfortable in the heat of the locations. Both of the leads are quite good in their own different ways. McQueen could do this role in his sleep, yet manages a little extra especially in the second half of the film. Hoffman does his thing with the character of Dega with a whiny voice and Coke bottle glasses. All of the elements come together well with just a little bit of pacing issues towards the end. Overall a very worthy watch.

80/100

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets

Sometimes you go into a film and you want to like it. Especially if it is a sequel to a film you loved. You want it to just keep it simple and entertaining. The start of National Treasure 2 does keep it rather simple. Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage) finds out his ancestor has been linked to the Lincoln assassination when a mysterious man (Ed Harris) comes out of nowhere with a page from John Wilkes Booth's diary. This sets our leads Gates and Riley (the underappreciated Justin Bartha) out on the chase. You learn that there are problems with Ben's relationship with Abby (Diane Kruger)... no surprise since she is a beautiful, intelligent woman and he is a kid-like dreamer who looks as if his artificial hair is going to fall off at any point.

Anyway... so the chase goes all over the globe with one improbable scene after another. I guess this never really annoyed me in the first film since they all seemed a logical exercise that they never really had to do anything too incredible (Except for stealing the Declaration of Independence which wouldn't even make the top 5 here). This one is just completely idiotic. Plus the fun dialogue between the characters is mostly gone with a seemingly rushed script to capitalize on the huge gross of the original. Add in too many extra characters...I'm looking at you Helen Mirren... and it just feels too crowded for the actors to share the chemistry of the first film.

Filmmaker Jon Turteltaub directed both films and the Wibberleys wrote both, so the problem has to lie with them. All the people involved have VERY spotty track records in the past so perhaps National Treasure was a fluke. Turteltaub did create one of the better tv series of the past few years for the non-cable networks in Jericho. I left Book of Secrets feeling much like I did after The Bourne Supremacy, where did the magic go?

50/100

Maybe you saw one of these piles of crap this year

I haven't seen any of them, but AV Club has...

Look over here

I will be posting a ten worst films that I've seen this year that weren't necesarily released this year... interested? You know you are.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Ok, after taking some time off to start watching The Sopranos, I was able to catch the 1969 classic Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Legendary director George Roy Hill had his first time working with Paul Newman (Butch) and Robert Redford (Sundance)- which would lead to 1973's collaboration on The Sting (Winner of Best Picture at the Oscars). Hill has also directed two of the funniest films of the last 30 years with Funny Farm and Slap Shot.

With all that being said, there is a tremendous pedigree and hype to live up to for this film. The story follows two crooks who have been making a living getting by robbing the local train and of course banks. Eventually the owner of the rail company gets frustrated and turns it into a personal matter hiring the best around to track down Butch and the Kid.

Complicating matters is their relationship is Etta (Katarine Ross). She loves Sundance, but knows that he like all outlaws is doomed for death. Alas, she goes along with them anyway on their attempt to outrun the posse. This sets up the second part which takes place in Bolivia.

One of the problems I had with the film was the used of two lengthy musical montages. The first has a pop song (Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head) of the day playing while Newman shows off his bicylcle skills. This has absolutely no place in the film, but unfortunately is something older people no doubt remember the most. The second is used a a device to set up the final section of the film where the trio flees to Bolivia. It is an ok idea to use still photos to show them on their journey through NY/NJ to get the boat to South America, but it is far too long. Both are attempts to use more humor to lighten up what is really kind of a downer of a film.

I remember reading that Steve McQueen was supposed to be Sundance and I think maybe that would have helped. Redford is pretty much the silent type. He never really adds much to the role even though he can be quite the actor (See All the President's Men). Paul Newman gives the one solid performance as a old criminal that is more legend than legendary. George Roy Hill also appears to be working too hard at keeping this a lean film with not a lot of meat showing the relationship of the two. I found Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to be kind of a disappointment overall. The whole film never really works or goes any deeper than the surface. And by no means is there enough humor to say this works as a comedy.

50/100

Paris, je t'aime

Paris, je t'aime is a collection of short films by some very famous directors and some not so famous ones. All of which tell stories involving Paris. Some of them we find out at the end, connect in a very loose way... while others are out there on their own.

To try and tell the plot of 20 would be fall too much. So let me tell you my favorite two of the bunch. The first of which is about an American actress (Natalie Portman) who falls for a blind man (Melchior Beslon) directed by Tom Tykwer (Perfume). The visuals are spectacular while giving you an entire story of their relationship in 5 minutes. Absolutely a talented director.

My second involves a young couple (Rufus Sewell and Emily Mortimer) on vacation. They are visiting a famous cemetary with several notable people buried there. The woman fears that her fiancee won't make her laugh and doesn't share her love of Oscar Wilde. The segment was directed by the very talented Alexander Payne (Sideways, Election).

There are a few other famous actors including Steve Buscemi, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Elijah Wood, Olga Kurylenko ( Hitman playing my favorite prostitute), and Nick Nolte. The Coehn brothers direct a short, Wes Craven, and so does the gifted Latino Alfonso Cuaron.

Some work, many don't. The overall impression left on me was that under an overall director that his could have worked much better. Too many of the stories just aren't that interesting. Thankfully, you only had to wait 5 mins for a chance at something better.

60/100

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

A near classic from 1962, in which Tom Courtenay plays Colin Smith. Smith is a troubled youth from the outskirts of London who spends his days pinching things to get by. After his dad passes away, he finds himself in more trouble than usual. He is picked up for a crime and sent to a boys reformitory school. The headmaster (Michael Redgrave) sees talent in the lad. He wants Smith to lead the track team in their first ever competition with a public school.

The film starts with Smith at the school and tells the backstory through flashbacks. Smith finds himself struggling to do the right thing. Eventually he is put into a decision of how he is going to live his life.

Tony Richardson directed The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner after having a brush of success with A Taste of Honey. His visual style is very distinctive with the stark black and white of England in winter. Richardson would later follow this up with Tom Jones which netted him a couple of Oscars and be credited with the discovery of Albert Finney. Courtenay is quite a find for the lead here. He has a Ewan McGregor swagger that adds quite a bit to what could be a very cliche role.

The story is limited on some fronts. Certain characters are only given the one dimensional view, but overall Richardson is quite effective in his storytelling. For 1962, this film is very well put together. I think I've only seen one other director (Stanley Kubrick) who had at the time such striking vision for cinematography. (You can argue Hitchcock if you want) LOTLDR is worth watching just for the visuals on screen. I'm now moving Tom Jones up on my Netflix.

80/100