Saturday, December 29, 2007

Ah yeah... here it comes... my top 20 worst films I've seen this year

The rules:
1. The films do not have to be released this year, just viewed by me in their entirety for the first time.
2. I've probably watched something like 150 films this year and I'm sure Good Luck Chuck belongs on any worst list, but I never watched it.

All right... here we go.

20. Idiocracy - I hate to slam Mike Judge, but this has all the feel of a SNL dragged out for 90 min. There are maybe two laughs from Luke Wilson, but most of the film is spent with such an awkwardness I find myself feeling uncomfortable even now...

19. Georgia - A well intentioned film that was nominated for various awards back in the day. My gal Jennifer Jason Leigh is almost too effective as the annoying hanger-on sister of folk star Mare Winningham.

18. The Italian Job - We are talking the original with Michael Caine. A mess from start to finish with intermediate moments that didn't suck. I actually enjoyed the overrated remake more.

17. The Presidio - Meg Ryan as a sexy window dressing? What? This is a horrible waste of time for Sean Connery and Lee Roy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon to you NCIS virgins). This film is bad on so many levels that I think a new kind of low was achieved.

16. Copying Beethoven - I have to admit... I'm totally smitten with Diane Kruger, but she is miscast here. All I could think about was her legs and not the awful performance from Ed Harris in the lead. I still love Ed, but seriously... you were great once... get it together man.

15. Cache - There is nothing more disappointing then seeing a critically loved film only to find out that is a hack job of a student film masquerading as a thinking person's thriller. Blah...

14. Edmond - David Mamet... I know what you were trying to do, but it didn't work. Julia Stiles is awful... oh let's be honest... so is this entire pile.

13. Rise: Bloodhunter - Lucy Lui doin' some naked time saves this from the top ten. From an awful filmmaker Sebastian Guiterrez. Learn the name and run the other way when you here it.

12. Notes on a Scandal - Another film with lots of awards, but it is still just a glorified TV movie. Cate Blanchett plays a teacher who sleeps with a student... Judy Dench is in love with Cate... and is jealous. This should have been dead before it was made.

11. A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints - Just a cliche film from a first time filmmaker that borrows from everything. When you cast Robert Downey, Jr you have to give him screentime moron... that should be filmmaking rule number one.

10. Without a Clue - Ben Kingsley and Michael Caine go slumming as Watson and Holmes in this spoof of the genre. Absolutely all wit is removed from the screenplay... cringe-worthy dialogue ensues.

9. The Black Dahlia - I guess Hilary Swank and Scar-Jo got mixed up in the casting... plus who wrote this awful script? And hard to belive, but Josh Hartnett isn't the reason this one bites...

8. The Reaping - The advertisements should have boasted the most incomprehensible ending ever in a film NOT by David Lynch. Hilary, this is twice this year... you should be glad I haven't seen Freedom Writers... yet.

7. The Staircase - I haven't the heart to put this well intentioned story of a modern day Job trying to fulfill a dying nun's dreams higher on the list.

6. Into Thin Air - Peter Horton is the best actor here? Wow... at least it prompted a Side Out reference in my review. One of my favorite books though.

5. Live Free or Die - Paul Schneider and Zooey Deschanal reunite after the delightful All the Real Girls in this giant mess of indie film crap.

4. White Noise - Michael Keaton tries his best... but the idiots who wrote the script don't even understand the whole concept of EVP. Morons... morons.

3. Northfork - Another disappointment from the Polish Bros. A lot of critical acclaim is laid upon them for some reason. This is awful and almost unwatchable.

2. Stolen Summer - The first of Project Greenlight's releases achieves bad filmmaking in every way possible. I literally think the plot was written from a dart board of ideas.

1. (drum roll) The worst film by far this year I have watched was Beat. You probably haven't heard of it... good. It is a take on the "beat" poets of the day featuring such craptacular performances by Kiefer Sutherland, Courtney Love, Ron Livingston, and Kyle Secor. Somehow it has maintained a 5.3 on IMDB, but that has got to go down as more Jack Bauer fans stumble onto this little slice of hell.

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